ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
