New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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