Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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