I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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