He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
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Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
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Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon