Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.