batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
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Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
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Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo