I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.