Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now