I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
