Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
