I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
