Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
