something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
