I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
