If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
