this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I wish they made helmets for livers.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
