Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
