Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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