We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
