Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
