Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
