So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
