I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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