My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Just pee around me
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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