i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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