i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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