if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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