today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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