Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
