Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
