2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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