when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
