also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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