She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
