The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
