the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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