Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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