life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
