Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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