Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize