Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
