Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
