My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I will pee on everything he values.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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