new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
