omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
