I hate your face
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
