is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
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