All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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