just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
