...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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