She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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