btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
