i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
don't judge my taste in strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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