Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
