Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
