I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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