I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
