Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
