when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
