its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
