The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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