Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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