I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
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My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
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After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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