Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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