Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
