I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Four minutes until I can fart!
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize