I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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