remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
