margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
