I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
me + whiskey = a bad person
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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