you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
